Two Meals at Chatuchak

Hey Substackers, how’s your dream livin’ going? It’s true that expatting in Thailand is the quintessential definition of “living the dream.” One reason for that is the dizzying array of awesome food to be found in the city. Recently, I schlepped over to Chatuchak weekend market to sample a couple of the more popular joints in this famous locale.

First, I hit up Rattanakosin Boat Noodles, the world-renowned quet tiow spot that puts all others in Bangkok to shame. You can find it by following the signs to Zone A 48. It’s at the juncture of a main drag and a small side aisle.

The place is constantly busy, but foot traffic comes and goes in waves so if you rock up and can’t find a seat, just go look at some of the local jewelry stalls for 10 minutes or so and then try again.

I shelled out a whopping 60 baht for a bowl of sen lek moo that tasted like licking the cooch of Heaven. I could’ve easily sucked down 10 bowls of this delicious concoction of joy. It came with a big pork lukshin and a side of crispy pork rinds. The smell of the huge cauldrons of broth filled the surrounding air, hypnotizing everyone in a cloud of savory serenity.

When I squeezed past the masses and sat down, every member of staff looked my way as if to say, “What you want?” I said in Thai, “I’d like chicken quet tiow with thin noodles,” and the place veritably erupted at my use of their language. They laughed and laughed at my ‘thin noodle’ order, probably because they might’ve been the only noodle on offer. But it tickled them positively pink that I knew how to ask for it. Within seconds, a bowl of beauty was slung before me. I added some fish sauce, dry chili, and a tiny pinch of sugar. The whole place watched intently as if to confirm that I knew what I was doing. Then I inhaled that beautiful bunch of Bangkokian blessing in less than a minute. I wanted more, but instead I saved room for my 2nd meal at วันวิน บะหมี่ปู Onewin Crab Noodles. It’s located at Section 12, Soi 21/1.

I ordered the crab omelet and instantly fell in love. This dish was so goddam good I nearly fell off my chair. The crab was fat, juicy, sweet, succulent, and a smear of love across the top of my brain. Combined with the half-cooked eggs with the runny yoke, onions, and side of spicy-sweet green sauce, the meal had me utterly food-drunk. I felt what I can only describe as love. Anyone who loves Thai food knows that it’s more than the spice, more than the combination of sweet, savory, sour, and heat. It’s more than the sum of the parts. It’s how one part accentuates another part, and how two flavors and three flavors and five flavors can work in concert like the strings section of an orchestra, creating a crescendo of bliss that—apart from every integral part of the dish—would not exist. Does this kind of culinary synchronicity apply to the food from other parts of the world? Of course. But Thailand’s is unique in itself, and cannot be imitated or recreated.

Seating in the main area is scant, but they have an overflow section across the small aisle and even an enclosed, air-con space if you can’t take the Bangkok heat. Service is fast, and the team running plates out to people are attentive and friendly. I would go back again and again.

After stuffing myself to the gills, I went shopping for t-shirts. I found three Smiths shirts, one R.E.M. “Life’s Rich Pageant” shirt, and a “Ghost in the Shell” shirt. Overall, it was a Chatutak-stic visit. I can’t wait to to back again.

For redlight-related fodder, check out bangkokseven.com